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“Save your money; pull out your Sunday best. The City of Minneapolis is offering fun, excitement and entertainment for people who have the extra time and money to spend on a revamped Block E calamity.”
by Santa Don, Editor-in-Sleigh, IBNN NEWS
Minneapolis, MN (IBNN/Satire/December 19, 2012)…Santa’s Elf’s have reported the Minneapolis City Council has secretly been working around the clock to have this new Casino of opportunity ready and open to the public on Christmas day.
In a statement from Minneapolis mayor R.T. Rybak’s office, the mayor says, “The past development of Block showed us (DFL political hacks) we were not anywhere close to understanding the meaning of urban development in a downtown district. The failure of the former Block E complex can be blamed on fiscal mismanagement, poor planning and the arrogance of not asking anyone with experience how to do this.”
If readers recall, Block E started out as a bustling hub of food, live entertainment, bookstores, and drug stores with one of the greatest movie theaters in the heart of the city. Within the last ten years, residents, commuters and visitors to our great downtown hub saw an increase in crime; closing of many major outlets and to add insult to injury, the closing of Hooters™. Although a campaign was launch by the Minneapolis Department of Civil Rights investigative unit to reopen Hooters™ due to major civil rights viewing violations – it only resulted in the closing of our beloved Applebee’s™. Citizens of Minneapolis didn’t have a dog in the race.
The Minneapolis City Council suffering from manic episodes gathered together to sing, “Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and…” Needless to say, this led to CPED’s staffers suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder began to sing, “Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…gathered in the hallway.”
The opening of the Block E Casino would be a welcomed Christmas present for residents of Minneapolis who will have to foot the bill for the new Vikings Stadium.
Its kind of funny how this little detail of a casino could lift the burden off the city coffers to help pay for something the citizens never had a say in…Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!